Bi Erasure

So today I found this fantastic guest post over at Feministing about feeling invisible as a member of the queer community when dating a member of the opposite sex (or the sex opposite to how you present). A few of the comments relate this to the idea of bi erasure.

Although I haven't had many relationships with women, I do feel like the fact that I'm dating a man removes me from a certain aspect of my community. I DO feel invisible on a fairly regular basis, and I've definitely felt the "we-don't-need-your-patronizing-smile-of-acceptance-straight-girl" stare when I smile at queer couples in an attempt to make a silent connection. I recently gave away my queer pride pin to a friend who lives in a city where she is less likely to find such an accessory, but even when I had it, it felt too small to make the kind of visibility statement that I want to make.



Again, I'm not looking for attention. I don't want pats on the head. I am aware that the fact that I'm dating a man makes me MUCH less likely to suffer street harassment or, dog forbid, violence. What I want is to tell people, through my very presence, that THIS is what a queer neighbour, coworker, commuter, shopper looks like. I want to help people understand that we are EVERYWHERE. That we don't always have to be androgynous or gender-fucking. That sometimes we wear lipstick, that sometimes we are just in jeans and tee-shirts. That sometimes you may ask us for the time, or we might sell you a snack.

I'm wildly happy in my relationship. I just need to find a way to voice my pride in who I am and how I've gotten here. I certainly don't have a problem with more pins and buttons, but I'm also considering something a little more permanent. If you know me, you know this means tattoos are imminent! I'm thinkin' the ol' rainbow heart, but I'm not sure where yet. My first instinct says "on the left side of your chest".

I don't think there's any real solution to the issue of bi erasure, because I don't really see it as a form of oppression exactly. Just something that I and many others experience and that I think is worth voicing. And hey, any reason to get another tattoo is a good one!