Where have I been the last six years?

The title of this post is not a hyperbole about my extended absence from my own blog. It's a reference to the fact that I'm finally watching The L Word in its' entirety. I have thoughts. So many thoughts! Largely regarding how annoying some of these characters are, but also about the groundbreaking representation of lesbians and bisexual women on television (granted pay cable).

In Honour of the New Look!

So yeah, I dig the ability to customize things. I might mess with the layout a bit as well, but it's perdy, so there.

Ok, so fitting with the new look of the blog, I think now is a good time to talk about the new Sara Rue Jenny Craig commercial. I tried to find a YouTube vid of it, but had no luck. Basically, the commercial starts out talking about how it's not normal to not have pants that fit properly, or to refuse to leave the house because she "doesn't feel comfortable in her own skin". She's close to tears, and it's really kind of upsetting. Then the camera cuts away and there's skinny new Sara Rue! She's skinny now, and wearing skinny jeans! It's all because of Jenny Craig and she wants to thank them for putting a smile back on her face, and also she thinks it would be a good idea if you gave Jenny Craig some money.

It's Alive! Also, More Babies Talk.

Yeah, I've been inactive for a loooooong ass time. I'm aware. I promise I haven't stopped having loud opinions about stuff. I'm an English major. It's what I do. I've had some shit going down in my personal life (moving, vacations, weddings of friends, quitting my job leading to funemployment in my future), so I've been less concerned with telling the world what I think about it and more concerned with "Sweet Jeebus how am I going to pay my bills etc".

I'm crawling up out of the slime of anonymity and into a conversation you might be surprised by if you know me well. It is a conversation about children. Children and their place in public spaces.

Boring AND Offensive! The Best of Both Worlds (AKA A review of Robin Hood)

SPOILER WARNING so don't complain to me later.

So I went to see Robin Hood last weekend. And I complained about it to some people in real life. Then I remembered that I have this space on the nets where I can complain and people can either choose to read it or not and they don't have to just listen to me for the sake of our real life relationship. So now I'm going to blog about how much I hated this movie and it was slow and dumb and I just wanted to go home and play with my dog. Really it's more of a set of vague impressions of how much I hated this film than an in-depth review because it's been about a week since I saw it, and all that's still in my head are these complaints.

The Truth About My Sads

So the other day on the bus home from work, I unintentionally spilled my guts all over a co-worker. I am not talking about barfing here. I am talking about talking too much, and maybe too truthfully.

"Real" Bisexuality

So, I have thought alot about the common idea of "real" bisexuality, and who is or isn't really bisexual. When that damn Katy Perry song came out, I was frustrated as shit. My queer friends and I complained about "party lesbians" as we called them. Girls that only make out with other girls for male attention. Recently I've come to re-think my position about the "sometimes lesbian" (although not necessarily the action of wearing ANY kind of sexuality only to titillate men; more on this later in the post).

Customer Service Work SUCKS.

So today I am blogging about yet another thing that is close to my heart. And that is the fact that retail jobs are shit. I work in customer service, food service to be exact. I like most of what goes down at my job. I like making food from scratch, and I like working on a very strictly regimented daily schedule. I like my coworkers and for the most part I even enjoy interacting with customers. But among the many shitty things about working retail (shitty pay, shift work, no benefits, lack of job security), there is one thing that is inescapable. You know what that thing is. Say it with me. ASSHOLES.

Bi Erasure

So today I found this fantastic guest post over at Feministing about feeling invisible as a member of the queer community when dating a member of the opposite sex (or the sex opposite to how you present). A few of the comments relate this to the idea of bi erasure.

Although I haven't had many relationships with women, I do feel like the fact that I'm dating a man removes me from a certain aspect of my community. I DO feel invisible on a fairly regular basis, and I've definitely felt the "we-don't-need-your-patronizing-smile-of-acceptance-straight-girl" stare when I smile at queer couples in an attempt to make a silent connection. I recently gave away my queer pride pin to a friend who lives in a city where she is less likely to find such an accessory, but even when I had it, it felt too small to make the kind of visibility statement that I want to make.

A Thought On Political Correctness.

So thanks to my readings lately, I've been trying to cut the word "lame" out of my vocabulary. On account of the fact that it is some shitty ableist garbage.

So, Do I Even Still Like Amanda Fucking Palmer? Undecided.

So I was reading a post over at my beloved Jezebel today (and I realise that it's Poisson D'Avril Day, so maybe this post was the fish taped to my back, I don't know for sure yet). The post was about Amanda Palmer, who I wouldn't call "beloved" to me, exactly, but I do think she is kind of the shit. Unfortunately, I think she is doing something kind of shitty, and reacting to people's problems with it in a pretty shitty way.

Nooooooooooooooo Babieeeeeeeeees

Boyfriend and I say this to each other at least once a day. Neither of us want kids right now, and neither of us can imagine ever wanting kids. Maybe I can blame my lack of maternal instinct on my genes , but however I choose to do it, I understand that I will be forever justifying this life choice to strangers, friends and family alike.

The Nice Guy Thing

So I know that this has been all over various feminist blogs and it's been said better before, but I just really wanted to vent my frustration over the Nice Guy Thing.

Whether you know it or not, you know about the Nice Guy Thing. You've heard a guy talk about the female friend that he has "feelings" for (for the Nice Guy, these feelings are more related to a stirring in the pants than any emotion), and how she doesn't know he exists, and she's always dating these assholes, and when will she realize that he's perfect for her?!

Welcome To My Business, Seriously.

OK, if you are not a fan of TMI, I recommend that you probably shouldn't read this cause I am going to invite you into my personal life in a way that involves periods. Stop reading now if periods gross you out! Or, you know, educate yourself. Whatever.

Trouble In Paradise: Shitty Things About The Whedon-verse

So I was reading over at Shapely Prose and came upon Snarky's Machine talking about the importance of discussing the problematic aspects of things that you actually like (pop culture-wise). She mentions that it's pretty much just shooting fish in a barrel to point out what's wrong with shit you hate. I can see how one might be tempted to ignore those moments that conflict with our personal principles when it comes to our favorite things. So I decided to talk about something that is deeply troubling to me about one of my favorite things. Namely, the super shitty attitude displayed towards gay men in the Whedon-verse.

So About That Rape Culture...

I, like the majority of North Americans with televisions, watched the Academy Awards on Sunday night. There had been some hints in the red carpet coverage that Neil Patrick Harris might be doing something during the opening, and I was excited to see him. The NPH came out in a sparkly, pin striped tux jacket, with dancing girls, on a Follies-like stage, and began to sing. Within about ten seconds, however, the smile was wiped from my face.

I Really DO Think Of The Menz!

Honest I do. Who could get away with not thinking about the menz? They're kinda all over the place. They kinda won't let us not think about them.

There is this prominent idea in pop culture of the man hating feminist. I can't, in good conscience, deny the possibility of this person's existence (and I can't babysit anymore), but none of the feminists that I know or have met and almost none of the feminists I've ever even heard of have held this extreme stance.

It's Getting Less and Less Possible to NOT Have Babies...

I just wanted to say this after reading about Utah being fucking insane now, and about the whole "live tweeting my abortion" thing.

I am pro-choice. I am not "anti-life". I think life is baller, and to call me and those who believe as I do "anti-life" is disingenuous. It is accurate, however, to call pro-choicers "anti-choice". Because they are opposed to women having the choice to terminate when necessary. I think that's pretty cut and dry.

Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

Oh man, I dunno why but I've had that song stuck in my head for a couple days now. I'm glad I got to use it. :D

I wanted to do something a little bit fluffy today, after the teeth grinding frustration of last night's post. It's not exactly super fluff, because I think it's still important.

What I want to talk about today is bodies. Not in their shapes and sizes as I've already discussed them, but in the less "pleasant" aspects that we try to avoid in everyday life. You may have seen the South Park queef episode that aired last spring. I gotta say, guys...I fucking LOVED that episode of South Park. I know that the show itself is pretty problematic a lot of the time, but that particular episode was an awesome and frank discussion about queefing (which I refuse to call pussy farts, because that's not what they are). Why are guys' farts SO DAMN HILARIOUS and yet queefing - which doesn't emit any smell or gas, just air expelled from the vulva that makes a sound - is off limits? I'll tell you why. It's because when vaginae aren't wrapped around a dick, they're icky.

Won't Somebody PLEASE Think About The MEN?!

OK, I know I JUST posted, but then I was reading me some online news and found this "poor menz" article by Robert Smol on the CBC's website. Smol discusses men in abusive relationships, how they have less access to post-abuse/post-violence services than women, and how the general problem of abused men isn't given enough weight.

I'm not here to say that men who are in abusive households shouldn't have access to protection and counselling services that are available to abused women. Obviously, these services should be available to everyone. My frustration stems from a particular quote: "much still needs to be done and the biggest challenge, in my view, is what to do about men. Not men as perpetrators — there we seem to have a handle on things". We seem to have a fucking what on WHAT? We have a HANDLE on men as perpetrators of violence in the home? In what way is that?

Thin Privilege And Why Body Snarking Sucks

So I have already posted about why body snarking fat people isn't cool. I mentioned in that same post that I intended to blog about thin privilege specifically. The reason for that is that I hear SO MANY comments about my body on a daily basis that I cannot even handle it, guys. I know that it's completely different from the comments that fat people get, which is why I decided to make two different posts about it. They are related, but different issues.

My Road To Fat Acceptance: Or On How I Learned to Stop Being An Asshole

To state the obvious for those of you who know me, I am aware that I am not fat. In my opinion, that doesn't have any current bearing on my interest in the fat acceptance movement.

When I was in high school, I was heavier than I am now. I've always been conscious of my weight, because for the most part we live in a society where not being aware of your weight basically isn't possible. My parents didn't really make weight an issue. They certainly never told me that weight was important. They barely even made a point to talk about fitness as a major part of health. My dad, in fact, talked to me on several occasions about Barbie's body being unrealistic and hoping that I realised that beautiful bodies come in lots of different shapes and sizes.

"How Can You Be Bisexual If You're Dating a Man?". On Not Picking A Side.

In the 1940's, a groundbreaking way of discussing human sexual orientation was developed. You might remember, they made a movie about it. The scale goes from 0-6, with 0 representing exclusive heterosexuality and 6 representing exclusive homosexuality. This spectrum of sex is pretty well known, I think. And yet, I am astounded by how many otherwise intelligent and thoughtful people forget that there are several numbers between zero and six.

What's In A Name

So I wanted to talk a little bit about why I chose the name Lavinia Speaks for my foray into bloggery.

Originally, I needed a name to go by on a friend's blog, and chose Lavinia because it was the name of a woman that I was very close to who passed away about a year and a half ago. She was a fierce, powerful, smart, passionate woman who I admired very much, and I had a strong emotional connection to the name.

I'd been considering starting a project like this one for quite awhile, but something was holding me back. I've read feminist blogs before, and often (some of the ones I really like are in the links in the left hand column there), and I think that I was concerned that my voice couldn't possibly contribute anything useful to the discussion. But then I read the post at Shakes that I linked to yesterday, and I decided that if the only thing that my voice adds is sound among the growing din of smarter, better educated, more eloquent women writers, it's still better than staying silent.

I started thinking about the name I had chosen for myself in that context. For those of you who didn't spend five years and twenty five thousand dollars learning to read (AKA: receiving a liberal arts degree), Lavinia is the daughter of Titus Andronicus in the play of the same name. Basically she gets brutally raped, and has her hands cut off and her tongue cut out. This happens to her because she is a woman related to a powerful man. Her sex and her connection to the man the action centers around leads to a vicious attack, and the literal loss of her voice; a symbolic loss felt by too many women in the world we live in. Lavinia is an early example of what Gail Simone calls "Women in Refrigerators", which I will almost certainly discuss in more detail in another post. Everything that happens to her happens because of her sex, and because of how she is connected to the main character (a man) in the story. Also, what happens to her is horrible rape. Not uncommon with WIRs.

In any case, these things all coming together led me to take the name, and to make sure that I am not responsible for the silencing of my own voice, simply by choosing to remain silent. I hope to throw off some of the fear of rejection and judgement that has held me back from speaking out for this long, because I know that that fear and silence is what is expected of me from too many people.

Carrying On...

OK, so that first post wasn't quite what I wanted it to be, mostly because I am a little scatterbrained. I am leaving it as is, because it is pretty representative of what it's like to live in my head. It's crowded in there, what with all the movie quotes and ideas for cakes I wanna make, chores I have to do, bus schedules and annoying commercial jingles.

First, I wanted to post a link to the Shakesville post that inspired me to start this project. Here's a quote for the TL;DR crowd:

"Making the personal public and political is serious business. Because women's stories aren't told, it's incumbent upon female feminists to tell their own stories, to fill that void, to be unrepentant and loquacious raconteurs every chance we get, to talk about our bodies, our struggles, our triumphs, our needs, our lives in every aspect."

Apparently I don't know how to do block quotes here yet, either. This will all come in time (I hope). Anyways, I figure that as a big ol' queer, and also a lady, and many other things that aren't usually included as options on forms, I might add my voice to the "cacophony".

Now, I do intend to moderate comments here. I want this to be a relatively safe space, so I won't allow any slurs, I would like to avoid ableist language, etc. If you make an assy comment, I'll probably remove it. Take that as you will.

I do intend to include and encourage frank discussion on whatever I post by whoever would like to join in and can handle being respectful of others despite the relative anonymity inherent in posting in the blaggerwebs. To warn folks, this might include, and certainly won't be limited to: women's experiences of sexism, GLBTQ folks' experiences of general hatefulness, and everyone's experiences of the things that go into, come out of, and happen regarding their bodies. These things will all be tagged and will be included in the titles of the posts, so feel free to avoid whatever skeeves you out/triggers you/offends you/whatevs.

Now, for some fun stuff! Here are some specific things I plan to bloggerize about in the next week or so:

-The reason for the name of this blog.
-Bein' a big ol' queer (identifying as a bisexual woman)
-The road to fat acceptance
-Periods.
-Fictional women I admire
-My growing interest in neo-pagan religions
-Rape culture

OK, some of that will be fun.

Hm. I guess that's all I want to say for now. Actually I wanna say all that stuff, too, but I'm pretty sure that if I just do all that, I will not get any sleep tonight and then I will be out of interesting stuff to say. If any of it even turns out interesting to begin with.

So tune in again if you're interested, and we will discuss stuff!

Make Rocket Go Now

So I was inspired by a post on Shakesville that mentions the importance about individual women sharing their experiences. We live in a society where women's stories are not told, and where women's voices are not heard. I struggle with the idea that, in being part of a political movement, the personal must become public and political. Sometimes, one must live one's ideals.

So get ready, if you decide to follow me! I intend to blog about queer issues, feminist issues, humanist issues (such as they are), and basically what it's like to not have a voice in so many varied ways that apply to me (being a queer, feminist and female human).

I've just realised that I have to be at work in 45 minutes and I still have laundry in the dryer. You'll hear about that kinda business, too, because this is the story of all of my stuff and whatnot. Sometimes serious, and sometimes (often) snarky. Welcome to my story!