"Real" Bisexuality

So, I have thought alot about the common idea of "real" bisexuality, and who is or isn't really bisexual. When that damn Katy Perry song came out, I was frustrated as shit. My queer friends and I complained about "party lesbians" as we called them. Girls that only make out with other girls for male attention. Recently I've come to re-think my position about the "sometimes lesbian" (although not necessarily the action of wearing ANY kind of sexuality only to titillate men; more on this later in the post).



Basically, I think that to demonize anyone for sexual experimentation that they don't later devote their life to is pretty damn sex negative and judgey. Surely we've all tried out a sexual practice or two that we discovered wasn't for us. Or maybe some that were for us, but not exclusively. To condemn girls who've tried kissing other girls (and liked it!) as "fake" bisexuals would be no different than condemning someone who had a threesome one time as a "fake" polyamorist. Although it may be somewhat damaging to the overall image of bisexual identity in pop culture, no one gets to decide anyone else's sexual identity for them. I IDed as bisexual long before I had come out (about five years or so), because I knew who I was attracted to, who I'd had crushes on, who I'd had feelings for, etc, even before I was sexually active. I'm in a long term relationship with a cis-man, and I still proudly identify as bisexual. I may not ever have sexual contact with a woman again, but that in itself cannot change my identity. Why should constant, active sexual contact define anyone else's? If a girl who kisses another girl at a party and likes it, but also has a boyfriend, who are we to deny her the right to define her sexuality just because she may not seek out romantic relationships with other women? Basically, you don't get to decide for someone else just because you don't like what they may decide without you.

As far as the whole "male attention-seeking" thing, that is problematic for me. Only because it reinforces the idea that women have no sexuality without male influence: that women don't engage in sexual contact for pleasure, but for the sake of MALE pleasure. Or that women only get pleasure from inciting male pleasure or receiving male attention. That shit sucks and I hate it.

So, to end my little rant, I should point out that I now find that song really catchy. Also, I shared similar girl-kissing-chapstick-tasting-and-liking experiences, so I would hate to deny someone else the pleasure of that surprise, or to judge someone else for it.