Yeah, I've been inactive for a loooooong ass time. I'm aware. I promise I haven't stopped having loud opinions about stuff. I'm an English major. It's what I do. I've had some shit going down in my personal life (moving, vacations, weddings of friends, quitting my job leading to funemployment in my future), so I've been less concerned with telling the world what I think about it and more concerned with "Sweet Jeebus how am I going to pay my bills etc".
I'm crawling up out of the slime of anonymity and into a conversation you might be surprised by if you know me well. It is a conversation about children. Children and their place in public spaces.
This is a conversation that's happeningall over the place right now. Or at least recently. Anyways, That last link from Feministe sums up a lot of my argument in the first paragraph.
I have used the "I hate kids" line in the past. I will probably say it again in the future. Those who know me know that I don't really HATE children. Not the way I hate spiders or being on fire. I find them very unsettling. I don't know how to act around them. I don't know what they or their parents expect from me when I interact with one in public. Really, I'm afraid of kids the way I'm afraid of....well, everyone. Strangers. They are little tiny strangers who aren't afraid to point out if you have something on your face, or if something you said is dumb. That shit is unsettling! It unsettles me. It's everything that scares me about people, but much more likely to happen.
Anyways, I have probably also railed against kids in public spaces, because they are loud and my store in the mall is right next to some padded benches which is where the parents of screaming babies always seem to want to sit for very long periods of time, and I can't leave because I'm at work so I just sit there and listen to the screaming. That usually makes me frown in a pretty big way.
BUT!
I like to try pretty hard to remember that parents have a hard job. I can't leave cause I'm at work, and parents can't leave their babies ever because they are their parents. So they put up with the screaming a lot more than I do. Like, at night when they are trying to sleep and stuff. That sucks. But parents seem to like babies, so whatever. That works for them! The thing I also try to remember is that parenting is a full time job and it keeps them busy and maybe this is the first time they've been to the mall in ages. Maybe they need new shoes, or a lamp or maybe they just needed to get out for a bit. To a place that's not their house, where they have enough room to maneuver their strollers or toddlers, and where there are lots of other families with kids. Like it or not, the mall is family friendly, for the most part.
Here's something else I like to try to remember, the point that is made in the first paragraph at the Feministe post I linked above. In most families, women are the primary care givers of children. When you say that children shouldn't be allowed in public, like it or not, you're saying that mothers shouldn't be allowed in public. This is a fact. You may say "But Lav, I don't think women SHOULD be the sole caregivers of small children! Men should pitch in more and stuff so that Moms can go to the mall and I won't have to acknowledge their choices to procreate!" I think that's bullshit. Idealism for the sake of not inconveniencing you is idiotic. Realize the reality of the world you live in, and get used to the fact that you could be working a Hell of a lot harder to support the women in your community. Or at least working harder at not being kind of a douche. Get on that.
Another line that's pretty popular is the ol' "I don't hate kids, I hate permissive parents who let their little kids run around and blah blah blah", and sure, that shit can be annoying, but that comment is just another way to tell women that they are being bad parents. We already have enough to deal with when we choose to have kids. To breastfeed or not to breastfeed? What if you can't? You're the worst! Circumcision or no? Whichever you choose, you're a monster! When it comes to children and making choices for/about them, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Simply making the choice to have children opens you up to criticism of every kind from every side.
I also think that the whole "I chose not to have kids so I shouldn't have to ever even look at them even one time, even if I am going to McDonald's or whatever" argument is pretty damn ridiculous. Your choices aren't my choices, and the choices of parents aren't yours, and every day someone makes choices that inconvenience you. Someone decides to be rude, or to be loud when you want quiet, or wants quiet when you want to be loud, or whatever the Hell. So why is it that this particular choice is one that so many people feel entitled to being a dick about?
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